the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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