Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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