After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
