I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
