I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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