First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize