all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
