the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize