shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
