I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
