you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
