check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
