they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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