I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
