sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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