the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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