This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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