Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
