i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
