last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
