I just threw up on my dentist
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
