And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
