The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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