I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
