I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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