even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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