kristin has been a bad kristin
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
