Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
