Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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