woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
