he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
