Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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