I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
