Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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