The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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