New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
