i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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