Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize