Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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