He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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