Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You're a waste of cheezeits
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
