I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
