i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
