Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
