My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
