Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
