Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
