He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's like iHOP with fire
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
