this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
