wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
