I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Alive.
So much puke
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
