okay pat passed out under dana's car
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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