paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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