some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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