I love black thongs
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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