Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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