Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
