An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
