he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
