I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
