We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
