have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
