And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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