Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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