Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
