DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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