she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize