I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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