Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
