Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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