remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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