mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
