they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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