So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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