Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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