I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
